Beer
Picnic

Ski mask.

Would anyone besides a bank robber wear a ski mask? Do skiers even wear ski masks? I bet when ski masks first came out thieves everywhere were like, “Jackpot!” If I walked into a 7 Eleven wearing a ski mask, I’d probably end up in handcuffs.

Food & cigarettes.

Why are bad foods so cheap and delicious?

Fast food is terrible for you and may cause obesity, but it’s very cheap and tastes fantastic (right?). Cigarettes are terrible for you and may cause cancer, but they relax you and make you feel better — yet they’re really expensive. You would think that with all the issues related to obesity that the government would tax fast foods too, right?

Hm, guess not.

Fans.

How does dirt collect on fan blades? I know there’s always dust and dander in the air at all times, but since fan blades are always moving how does it stick to them? Like if I had the fan pointed at me all day, wouldn’t I get dusty? Scientists should look into this — I need some answers.

Gift cards.

Gift cards are the most pathetic gifts ever.

Some people say gift cards are more thoughtful than just cash, which may be true but they sure aren’t better. Okay, maybe you went out of your way to get someone a Best Buy gift card — but straight cash is just sooo much better. Giving someone a gift card is like saying, “Hey, I didn’t know what to get you but I’m sure $25 is enough to buy something nice from Best Buy.” Gift cards are more like discount cards — they only really make it so you have to pay less for that flat-screen monitor you’ve been wanting.

In all honesty, I’d rather get $25 in cash. I’d rather buy booze than waste my time looking through the discount dvd bin at Best Buy.

Gifts.

You know what I hate and love at the same time?

When someone completely random ends up giving you a Christmas present. It’s like totally nice, but then you feel bad cuz you weren’t expecting it and now you feel obligated to buy them something. But then they always give you the whole “oh you don’t have to get me anything” speech — which only makes you feel worse cuz it makes them seem even more genuinely nice (UGH!).

So yeah, looks like I still have more xmas shopping to do (am I right?).

You know what sucks?

When people confuse me for an employee.

I’ll be at like Urban Outfitters or something and people will come up to me and ask me questions cuz they think I work there. Okay, maybe I do look like I should work there, but c’mon man. I guess it doesn’t help when I tend to neatly fold stuff and put it back after looking at it (I know, I’m a loser).

Yeah, this pretty much happens to me at Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, H&M, Hot Topic, and Zumiez.